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Game Results: July 9, 2020

July 8 recap
By Marc Brafman
In an abbreviated schedule last night Team Fogel defeated Team Schwartz 11-7. After falling behind 2-0 early, Team Fogel came back with an offensive flurry led by their two rookies. Adam “Knecht the dots” and Chris Kunkel. “In my everyday life I work with recycled parts and scraps of metal at Cohen. this year I didn’t want to go after the same old guys, so I tried out the rookies and so far, the results have been very promising,” said Captain Joel Fogel.  “The K boys last night led the way for our team. Not to be left out Brad “The Gallop(ing) Ghost” also had a big two-run single.”
Team Schwartz tried to rekindle their winning ways by drinking one of B-Rods protein shakes before the game made of cramp bark, clover and of course couch grass, but it wasn’t meant to be. “Maybe we should go back to beer and Poweraid,” a dejected Schwartz said post game. “I love me some cramp bark, but it didn’t help us tonight.” 
In the other game of the night, Captain Ken Groh reports:
Team Groh scored 4 in the 1st as Castellini, Groh and Baum drove in runs, but Team Lefton matched the 4 and then added another 4 in the 2nd. Stansbury scored again in the 3rd off a sacrifice fly from the captain, but Lefton struck for 3 more to open up an 11-5 lead. After a scoreless 4th inning from both teams, Team Groh plated 5 as hitting stars “Handsome” Sam Castellini went 4-4 with 2 doubles and 5 RBIs and Tyler “Bryce Harper” Stansbury went 3-3 with 4 runs to pace the offense. Mark Franklin had 2 hits and Zach Swadner added 3 and Captain Groh had a couple of hits and drove in 3. In the top of the 6th Swadner and Pete “The Straw that Stirs the Drink” Soltesz both scored on a Stansbury triple and Castellini drove him in to get team Groh a 13-11 lead, but Jimmy Lefton held them to only 1 hit in the 7th and 8th innings. Team Groh thought they had a win in the bottom of the 7th but it slipped away as lightning struck and the top of the order for Team Lefton got the job done scoring the winning run off the bat of Corey “Chuck” Norris. “My main goal was to get a hit and get us out of there,” Norris said post game. “Those wings aren’t going to eat themselves at the Silver Spring House.” Plus, my wife was really hot sitting in the stands, and she was ready to go. Coach Groh added, “I thought our timing was a bit off at the plate and we were a bit off playing defense, but was proud of the guys coming back from 6 down to take the lead and had a chance to win when the game was on the line. I am happy to be playing during difficult times, but I feel this season will be a memorable one! I know the Mad Hungarian would have thrown his glove tonight but because of the heat, i had to conserve my energy!!”   
League Notes:
If this year hasn’t been hard enough, let’s take a second and think of about a couple of guys. At last report Jason “The Mad Hungarian” Faust had to go back to the hospital, and while I am waiting to confirm just know he has a long way to go to get back to normal (or as normal as Faust is).
Former Commish Ryan Kirzner’s wife is battling cancer so if you see Jerry ask how he’s doing. 
And of course, we all wish Anton a speedy recovery 
In other league news we caught up with the Living Legend Howie Schwartz to ask him what he has been up to in his first summer off from softball since JFK was in office was going: “I have been laying low and trying to stay safe.  As you know, your dad and I are of the same vintage and that puts us right in the middle of the high-risk class.  Not an enviable thing.
Unfortunately, I have not been doing much of anything.  Slowly watching my body and muscle mass deteriorate.  I certainly miss the softball, both for the physical activity and the camaraderie.  I hope the league goes well for all of you playing.

I haven’t done anything to stress my knees, shoulders or arms, so they are feeling fine at the present time.  I am already looking forward to making a comeback next year.” We all are too Howie.

In the next installment of “What Roger Has Learned Since the Pandemic Started:” Last week we learned that he discovered cable news. This week, he reports that a blue whale’s tongue weighs as much as a female elephant or about as much as 2 VW beetles, 6 grand pianos or 10 snowmobiles. What this has to do with softball is anyone’s guess, but it’s nice that Roger is broadening his horizons besides what the Joey Votto 2010 MVP bobblehead is worth.

If you want to ask someone who has a very cool job how they do it check in with Tyler “Dire” Wolf as his company Urban Blooms continues to make some amazing in-door plant walls. 

It was good to see Eppy out at the Spring House last night. Rick Lefton reports that COVID be damned, it wasn’t going to stop Ep from polishing off 3 plates of wings. In his prime, could Ep out eat Joey Chestnut? I think most of us would like to find out. 

I’m pretty sure I saw Big Gig Franklin warming up Trevor Bauer yesterday down at GABP on the Reds spring training feed. 

Finally, if you have nothing better to do on Sunday afternoon (and I know most of you don’t), head over to Kemper Field at 1:30 to cheer on “Coach” Mike “Flash” Creemer as he leads his JCC Blue Jays Class B team into the playoffs. All kidding aside, Mike does an amazing job coaching a lot of kids who we all hope one day will fill our league. Good luck this weekend.

Stay safe out there and wear a mask. See ya on the field next week.
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Game Results: July 2, 2020

July 1 Recap
by Marc Brafman

Team Loon got off to a slow start with the bats but rallied to beat Team Brafman 12-7. After falling behind 2-0, they broke out for 8 runs in the 3rd inning and never looked back. Scott “Shorty” Adams took home the game ball after going 3-3 and making a stellar catch at 2B. “You know I feel much better since I’m not traveling around the county following Phish,” Shorty said post game. “Instead of eating burritos and grilled cheese in the parking lot of Red Rocks I’m eating healthier foods like hot dogs from the Triple Creek Grill.”  Jamey Kurtzer added 2 hits and “scattered” 7 runs with no walks. Shout out to Mitchell Evans for playing a great LF, and super utility man Zac Hiudt for playing a flawless 1B, 2B, 3B, and C.   
Team Brafman lost to Team Loon 12-7. Hitting stars for the losing team were brother tandem Weston “Hungry Like a” Wolf, who went 3-4 and Tyler “Dire” Wolf who had a couple of big hits and played a very good RC. Andy “Bolt” Heldman also had a couple of knocks. The star of the game on defense for Team Brafman was rookie sensation Joel “Hallelujah” Buckley who made play after play at third while also going 3-4 at the plate. Jeff “The Natural” Weisbrot also made a couple of fine plays in LC field.  Brandon “The Bird” Wolf pitched a very good game (don’t let the score full ya) and did a magnificent job of keeping the mound in excellent shape between pitches.  
On Field 3, Team Schwartz beat Team Lefton 13-9. “This was almost my win total for all of last year,” Taylor Schwartz said post game. “I hope this feeling continues. I just wish my former Roommate Leon “The Bull” Seserman was back from Colorado so that I could share this with him. Last year he had to console me with a warm glass of milk and cookies after each game. Zooming with him tonight before bedtime won’t have the same effect.” Hitting stars for Team Schwartz were the newly fit and slim Ben “B-Rod” Rodriguez who went 4-4 and drove in a couple of runs. “I’m down 75 pounds from last year B-Rod said while drinking his kale and wheat germ post-game shake. Who knew that drinking this crap would improve my swing so much?” 
Team Lefton would like it pointed out that Jacob “JZ” Zeidenstein joined a short list of players led by former Cincinnati Red Stockings great George Tebeau, who in 1887 became the first Major League player to homer in his first at bat. JZ not only homered in his first JCC at bat but it was also his first pitch. “I’m just happy to be here. Hope I can help the ball club. I just want to give it my best shot, and the good Lord willing, things will work out,” JZ said post game. 
Finally, on Field 4 in the best game of the night Team Weisser blew a big lead but came back to shock Team Fogel 8-7 on a game winning single by James “Lynn” Swan. “We battled hard,” Joel “Sparky” Fogel said post game. “We had a nice comeback in the top of the 7th but we couldn’t put them away. Tip of the cap to Weisser and his team as they battled us all game.” 
“We made it interesting,” Weisser commented post game. “It shows the heart of this team that we gave up the lead but bounced right back to get the walk off win. I haven’t felt this good in a while.” 
Next week’s schedule is as follows:
Field 1 Lefton vs. Groh
Field 3 Weisser vs. Loon
Field 4 Fogel vs. Schwartz 
Bye Brafman
League Notes 
Congrats to “Coach” Mike “The Flash” Creemer on the birth of his granddaughter this week
Welcome back Matt Brodof and Scott “You’ve Got a Friend in Me” from injury. Stay healthy boys
The biggest news of the night was when Eppy found out they raised the prices on wings at the Silver Spring House. “Who did this injustice to me,” Eppy said aloud post game. “Don’t they know how much money I drop there every day?” It is not yet known if the Spring House will take down the statue of Ep out front. 
Alumni League news:
Congrats to Oren Shmoel on the birth his son.
For astute political commentary not found anywhere outside of cable news I direct you to follow David “The Dr. of Style” Weil on Facebook. For all the news fit to print he is your guy.
Speaking of the news let’s give a big JCC round of applause to our own Roger Rosenthal who while on lockdown not only started a podcast, but discovered that there are news channels on TV. “I can’t ever remember her name but I really like that lesbian over on MSNBC,” Roger commented earlier this spring. “I didn’t even know that they let that kind of news talk on the air.”
Congrats goes out to Josh Lisman, who was named the new President of Adath Israel.
And finally, get better soon Faust. We miss you out here!

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Game Results: July 2, 2020

Weisser….8
Fogel…….7

by Joel Fogel

Weisser got off to a quick start scoring 3 in the first inning and several more over the next few innings while Team Fogel’s bats were cold.  Down 5-0 in the 4th inning, Mike Gray hit a 2-run homer to draw Team Fogel closer.  Weisser scored a few more taking a 7-2 lead into the 7th when Fogel woke up scoring 5 runs to tie the game.  The big hit was a 2-run single by rookie Chris Kunkel.  In the bottom of the 7th Evan Weisser led off by legging out an infield single and Mike Margolis attempting to bunt quickly got down 2 strikes.  Weisser took the bunt sign away and Mike had the perfect swinging bunt, a dribbler down the 3rd base line for another infield hit.  That turned the order to the top for James Swan, who hit a walk off single to left to win the game.  Final score, Weisser 8 Fogel 7.
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Game Results: March 25, 2020

OFFSEASON NOTES
by Marc Brafman

Hello guys
Some interesting times we are living in since the last time we all got together. When Eric Gruen can’t go to Disney World for the 100th time you know it’s tough out there. First and foremost, I hope all of you, and your families are healthy and safe. While we all cry over no March Madness and Opening Day being postponed to God knows when, let’s take a step back and review some league notes from the offseason.
First, last year must have been a busy time for some of you off the field as Eric “the Mouth of the Midwest” Gruen, Ryan Small, Zach Meyer and Pete “The Straw that Stirs the Drink” Soltesz all welcomed new additions to their household. Congrats guys. 
Stu Solomon has another on the way so it’s good to know that in 16 years or so the league will still be up and running. 
More congrats goes to Ryan “Hi-Ho” Silverman on his son’s bar mitzvah. and Jared Kamrass, who recently got married. Mazel Tov to both of you.
And not to be outdone, David “D-Sol” Solomon went all the way back to the homeland of Israel to surprise his girlfriend, now fiancé, by asking her to marry him. The word is he covered himself in Dead Sea mud and crept up on her like the Creature from the Black Lagoon. Since Israel is also the place he got his steroids to turn himself into such a powerful hitter, I expect him to be a very high draft pick this season.
Sad news to report…JCC softball’s first couple Taylor “May the Schwartz Be With You” and Leon “The Bull” Seserman are no longer living together. The Bull reports that Taylor bought a house and moved in with his long time “girlfriend.” But never fear…always the gentleman Taylor is charging his girlfriend rent. 
The two guys that are most disappointed by the cancellation of the Summer Olympics are Mike “Flash” Creemer and Tyler “A-Rod” Stansbury. They aren’t upset that the games are postponed.   They’re upset that all the new hair products P&G invests in and rolls out each Olympic season are now not coming out till next summer. 
If there is one sport sweeping across the JCC this year, it’s pickle ball. There are leagues all day, and Mike reports it’s the fastest growing spot since mahjong. But don’t tell this to Anton Loon. “That sport is a disgrace to all racket sports,” Anton said at our last commission meeting. “If I want to see old ladies move around and flail their arms, I’ll go to the pool and watch their aerobics class.” 
Props to Gig who once again dominated the Reds fantasy camp back when we all thought baseball was going to be played this spring. Gig is the Satchel Paige of Reds fantasy camp. (Speaking of Satchel Paige if any of you subscribe to the Athletic web site, and you all should, they are doing an amazing series on the top 100 baseball players of all time. Paige was #10) 
Never to miss a Phish show, Scott “Shorty” Adams went to Mexico to see them this Jan. What’s most amazing about this is he had some attractive woman with him. I guess the drugs must have been REALLY good in Mexico for that to happen 
Speaking of vacations, Jerry “Doc” Kirzner will have a new nickname this season. It will be “Gilligan” as he has been on a cruise ship for at least a month as of this writing. Fortunately, no one is sick and his son reports that they have the run of the boat and are steaming to San Diego where they might have to stay on the ship for a couple of more weeks. Either way we are glad he is ok and learning how to canasta or whatever it is 70-somethings do on a boat for that long. 
Former softball player and current master chef at the JCC café, Drew “Kung Fu” Hayes, earned his black belt in whatever type of martial arts he practices. Way to go Drew. Now please make our pizza faster.
It was good to see Zach “The Wild Horse” Zackem at the Adath Israel Purim carnival. While it was odd seeing him dressed up as Queen Esther, he was doing a great job at the picture booth helping all the grandparents figure out how to print pictures or turn them into magnets. 
The entire Lefton family has stayed busy this off season. And I’m not just talking about Jimmy and Rick. “Big” Al(ex) Lefton has been all around the world it seems while trying to cheer on OSU basketball (who cares about OSU basketball) and Grace Lefton was a huge help to the UC sponsorship office during basketball season. Plus, I think like 8 or 10 other Lefton kids either were born or graduated from high school or college. There are too many to keep track of.
Dee Harris posted a picture of Griff in his UC club baseball jersey the other day which got a post on Facebook showing old team pictures of Dee and the Lefton brothers from the mid to late 70’s or early 80’s. One team was named Hot Bagels. Not Marx Hot Bagels, just Hot Bagels. Not since Chico’s Bail Bonds has a team had better uniforms. I want Homage to come out with vintage little league jerseys for adults. 
On the same picture thread, Duffy Wolf has a picture with of all people Sandy Koufax when Duffy was in little league. I really have nothing to add to that other than how cool is that? 
Finally, we all know that David “BP” Snyder and Albert Weisbrot are great singers. BP sings in Temple and busks on the street outside GABP after Reds games for pocket change and we’ve all heard Albert sing the National Anthem at Reds, UC and JCC Softball games over the years. We can now add Roger “WH” Rosenthal to that list. While on a cruise earlier this off-season Roger wanted to honor his favorite all time singer and 2019 Rock N Roll Hall of Fame inductee Whitney Houston and performed Greatest Love of All to his wife, Carol. While League notes doesn’t have the audio (yet) the plan is to get Roger to sing it again one night at Silver Spring House later this summer. 
Stay safe everyone. Do your part to stop the curve so that we can get the season in this year. 
Marc